dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
