ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
