I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
