Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize