Its about making memories worth repressing
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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