There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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