he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
