Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
