I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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