Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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