If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize