just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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