I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
