i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
