I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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