Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
