don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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