Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
