When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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