Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
