I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
