According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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