Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
