R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
