i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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