Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
