no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
