So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize