2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
