when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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