I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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