Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pants are for mortals
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
