As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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