oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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