I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
