Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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