We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
