The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
