dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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