I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
