all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
