Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
