I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
