can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
