Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i think i just lost a toe
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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