I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You need Xanax blowdarts
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
