I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
