this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
