You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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