tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
