he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize