It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
