I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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