I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
