i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you didnt know i had herpes?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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