Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
