you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
