the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
