so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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