all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
