So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
