This is not my ceiling
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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