who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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