please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
