Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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