Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
