dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
