Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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