Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is the high leading the old right now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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